I AM A FEMINIST

I am a feminist.  Yep, I believe I should get equal pay for equal work.  I believe I'm smart.  AND, I don't believe that dudes are intrinsically better at everything.  So, I guess that makes me a feminist.

Remember when...
"You can do anything you want to do!"
"You can be anything you want to be!"

Not really true.
I mean, maybe if you are born privileged and a dude, maybe, but otherwise, that's a bunch of guff.

Here's the thing, especially if you are FEMALE:
Let's start with the whole kids discussion.
- When you are between 25 & 40, companies are gonna assume you are going to have kids at some point and so you are less desirable.  It's a strike against you when you are looking for jobs.  In their mind, you either a) are going to have them soon b) you have them and they will take up too much of your time or c) there is something wrong with you if you don't.

I actually had a business mentor tell me that I should make it a point to bring it up in an interview because it would stand in my way (this was woman to woman talk from a woman who has been successful in the world of business for a long time).

AND...
- At some point you WILL have to choose between children and: career, side-projects, & education.  There that saying that you can have everything, but not all at one time - but actually, I don't know if this is really true.
      - If  you get pregnant when you are in high school, or youngish, you become a mom (duh).  I just mean that everything else is exponentially harder AND even in the 20teens, the onus falls to the female to raise the kids.  So, maybe you wait to have kids if you want other things too...and during this waiting you find out that:
     - You can't really have both.  I mean, how can you raise a kid (and be there, foe realz), have a career, and also have a meaningful self-identity through a separate focus?  It's nearly impossible unless you 1. Have resources / don't have to work or 2. Your work is your passion / life-mission.  Some people have this! And it's great, but most of us do not have the means or resources.

- If you are a chick, the world of business is harder.  Just is.  It's also harder if you are a minority. Just is.  Not male and white?  Bummer.
     - Can't tell you how many interviews I went on where the interviewer walked out to meet me, took one look at me and their whole face and body language changed.  I mean, on paper I looked awesome (um, I AM), and they knew I was a lady, but when they saw that I didn't look like a dude, well, I couldn't be smart or capable.
    - I was convinced that I would end up working for a woman (and I did).  Listen, I like dudes.  I'm friends with them, married one, respect the good ones.  But many of the dudes who are in management have old school (read: biased) views.  They cannot see past the ponytail.
    - Don't believe me?  READ THIS.
    - OR THIS - scroll down and start at "What really distinguishes CEOs from the rest of us, for instance?" if you don't want to read the whole article b/c it is long.

- Ladies are constantly hassled AND SUPPOSED TO LIKE IT.
    - When I was in grade school & high school I was teased because I was too skinny (well, and also because I was confident in my singular strangeness).  I believe the words, "She doesn't even have boobs" were used to describe me in 8th grade in front of the entire class (not scarring at all).  I was gauky and gangly (um, still am).  Just part of growing up, and not a singular incident, but my point is - I can't help feel that girls get that type of teasing growing up and do boys?  I'm not a boy, but the teasing for girls seems to be very directed at how much of a woman they are.
    - Once I was out of college and entered the workforce, I have had to deal with all kinds of bullsh!t from males I work with.  CONSTANTLY. It's just creepy and weird when dudes from a janitors to colleagues constantly comment on how you look inappropriately.  Not like, oh, hey, I like that shirt or You look like spring today!  But whispered on the DL often when no one else is around or can hear you.  Harassment?  I guess?  It just walks the border or just doesn't feel worth it.  And it happens all the time for me and has for years and years.  Don't believe me?  Examples:
          - "I'm gonna miss that @ss" - upon hearing I was leaving the company
          - Whispered to me in a low-not-at-all-(sarcasm)-creepy tone, "you are just so beautiful today.  beautiful.  beautiful."
          - "Not everyone is going to appreciate the way you look."

    - BUT REMEMBER: as a female, you have to dress as much like a male as possible.  Monkey suit it up.  Seriously.  Society tells women they should look "forever twenty", but in the workplace, a douty, always-looks-in-her-40s woman has the edge.  "Don't take her seriously"  "Has to look like she can be in a meeting" were two phrases I had heard because I like color and wear lady-clothes.  Silly me!  Just remember - dark somber colors (think funeral), no fringes, spangles, sequins, ruffles, prettiness, choose boxy and heels.  Oh, heels.  Yep, you didn't want to wear them? Tough. They should be black or navy pumps.  No straps or fancy-smanch.  Hope you can walk in them.

Listen, I'm happy where I am.  I've made tough decisions and been lucky to land where I am.  I'm not in management.  I'm not working corporate.  I have comp time after I put in my 40.  BUT, it has is frustrating to feel like I have had to pound against the glass ceiling and watch capable colleagues who just happen to be women pound on the glass ceiling.

I often wonder what big world decisions would be different if they had been made by women or with women in tandem with men.  How our history would have been negotiated if women had not worked behind the scenes, but front and center.

How does male domination shape our society - out companies, messaging, culture acceptances if women are absent from the highest echelons of decision-making?