Father's Day, a Reflection on a Small Meaningful Life

What does it mean to live a good life?
Can you live a meaningful and yet small life?

How does the way you choose to live your life affect others?
What is the ripple effect of your actions? What is that effect over the course of your life?

What kind of person are you if you make choices that are so giving and never be recognized for it and continue to do so?

Mother Theresa may have been canonized but what about the others who followed her?  Are they less saintly?  Perhaps they are more saintly as they don't get the same pat on the back and continue to do their work.

Is character developed or innate?  How can one person be so giving and yet no one notices?

I'mma tell you a little about a guy who lives a quiet life on the banks of the Delaware, quietly contributing to the community with a steadfast and subtle hand.

You guessed it, he's my dad - my small town, high school teaching, unassuming dad.

The amazing thing about my dad is just that.  He's one of those people who works really hard but doesn't tout his own hard work or draw attention to what he gives.  He isn't flashy or published or sought after for national committees (although, the latter he would help greatly).  He leads, what in our global times, is a small life.

He's one of those teachers that does hours of work every night after work, who has continued to develop new ways to engage students throughout the years, and who would (of course) prefer if his students liked him, but his main goal is to teach, to be a role model in profession and personal action, and to be fair on top of it, so if they don't like him, well, that's just the way it goes.

How do I know this?  Well, I went to the same high school that papa-bear taught at.  Four years commuting with my dad. Four years of my friends having my dad in class.  Years afterwards of my friends and high school acquaintances telling me about my dad.

But does your profession make your life what it is?
I'd have to ask dad what he thinks, but I think that it is only a small piece.  Outwardly, it is something those who first meet him or those who are acquaintances grasp onto.  The, "Oh, he's a teacher" box that teachers get put into with lots of assumptions and people nod as if they know him now.

Truth is, I think teaching was a means to fulfilling the check boxes on his worthy professions list.  Dad is good at teaching.  Also, he believes in community and selflessness.  If you are a teacher and in for the long haul, those are key.*

*There are many many other professions that also fit these standards, so I'm not dissing them.  Just leaving them out to chat about my pops for now.*

Listen, I know people out there think that teachers are overpaid or that teaching is a lesser profession or that they don't work all summer so it's not a real job or some other BS.

I've got a family of teachers and I never wanted to be a teacher.  It's really F-ing hard.  Man, if you want to be a good teacher, it's a lot of work.  I always want to be good at what I do, and I always knew that teaching would take over my entire life if I went into it.

A small tangent about how teachers get overpaid because they get the summers off...

There are plenty of jobs that get lots of vacation that do not come with this type of fight.  Sure, in the US there are less of these, but they still exist.  My last position was a total of about 8 weeks off per year.  I was not a teacher.

Rather than begrudging what is a highly needed rejuvenation and growth time for those who hold our future in their hands, perhaps we should look at correcting a system that gives one or two weeks vacation a year (or none in some instances).  Stop being snarky and jealous and work toward changing a bad system.

Google it.  The first few articles say enough: Forbes, Huff Post, USA Today, etc.

There is even research to support that productivity increases - and don't we want our teachers to be productive and on the ball and our kids to get the most out of our teachers?
The Atlantic and NY Times and CBS News, etc.

Perhaps, you've had a bad teacher or two, so this had jaded your view of ALL teachers.  Shame on you!  There are bad apples in any bunch from religious leaders to customer service to policeman and so forth.  Do not through papa-baby out with the bath water.

But I digress (as I'm wont to do)...

Let's forgo my teachers-support tirade and circle back to profession making the person.

I believe that my father's life foremost has been about setting a quiet example of what it means to be a good person for his children.  I can say this because it is without a doubt what he has done.

My parents worked really hard at having us form our own opinions which they both supported and encouraged.  There has always been an open discourse in our house from politics to friends to employment to environment.  My dad is famous for playing devil's advocate even if he agrees with you.  It just helps you see the other side of things.

I remember when my sister was little (she's 12 years my junior) and my parents let her pick out her own outfits from when she could point to make her choice known.

Now, when it came to bigger, important decisions, you best believe they were weighing in, but in the end, it was always our choice.

I'm not a parent, so I can't know how hard it must be to let your kid make choices that are good choices, but you feel there might be a better one or to let them pursue areas of study / interest that are strange and new to you.  I imagine it's pretty hard and scary.

My parents always worked really hard to give us as many opportunities as they were able.  We went on vacations with friends, were in a million activities, had lessons, did exciting things. I know they gave up things for themselves in order for us to have these opportunities.

My dad is the least materialistic person I have ever run across (and that's saying something).  Anyone who has driven by our house in the summer and seen the scarecrow at work in the garden or around the house knows what I'm talking about.  He has always foregone his own for the good of his kids and family.

And through all of this, they were present.  They were there.  We spent entire summers running around the house and yard with my dad always home.  My parents did homework with us every night.  We ate as a family every night.  There were tons of friends in and out of our house all the time.  It was a rare summer night that there wasn't another friend at the table with us.  My friends know the drill - before you eat, we all go around and say what we're thankful for.

And as my friends know, my parents are not quite what you'd call main stream.  They are brilliant and kind and generous, but def not main stream.  I'd say that my complete lack of pop culture growing up - from fashion to music to movies - was...challenging at times.  While other families and friends were discussing movies, we were discussing homework topics.  Thank god for my off-beat friends.

I'll never forget going home with my then boyfriend an sitting around the living room discussing art history for hours while pulling books off of shelves to back up our statements or referencing some connection.

I am thankful for all of this.  We didn't have fancy clothing or fancy cars or a fancy house, but we had a hellava family.  I am thankful to be from oddity.  I am thankful for my parents teaching us to be thankful, teaching us the importance of family, and setting the highest bar for personal integrity.

I guess in the end, I think a small life can be a good life.  A small life can have a wider reaching ripples.  I hope my own small life is half as worthy as the life my parents have lead.