Civility and Gratitude

Life has recently conspired to send me the same message over and over.  I can be somewhat obtuse and slow-witted, so perhaps Cosmic Karma is covering all her bases to be sure her message eventually is clear.

I have been receiving this centering message via literature, social engagement, social media, current events, and chance happenings.  My message has been delivered to be timed with the holidays and turning of the calendar year, which has intensified its meaning and added deeper thought to an otherwise only slightly contemplative time.

As my message has been materializing as a soft whisper or slight suggestion for a number of weeks, I've had a chance to mull it over.  It's turned in my brain, entered my dreams, colored my holiday baking.  I've almost grasped at her meaning in a moment of distraction or daydreaming only to lose sight of her when my eyes returned focus to the physical around me.  And so, I write this post without a fully realized understanding, but with a reach for something more profound.

...

I've been doing a lot of reading...finally getting around to reading Sinclair's The Jungle*, as well as Burrough's Junky (just finished this morning), Proust's Swann's Way*, and some weeks ago having finished Mulligan's Call of the Lark in which she describes her youth in an impoverished Ireland, and reading online articles including articles such as this article oh and this article too.

Standout recent events have stayed with me as stock for the message soup.  Notably, my grandmom's loss of her jewelry (stolen - including her high school class ring and other items worth more in emotional than monetary significance) and a frank discussion with friends who have so much to be grateful for, but are bitter and angry instead.

Each of my readings, of my gatherings with friends and family, of my job hunt and struggle with the give and take of a capitalistic society, of my growing appreciation for a partner I love but also am so grateful for, and of my struggle with creativity in all her forms, each of these has entered into a dialog with my reading and these other events.

I am filled with a warring sense of gratitude, annoyance, and sadness.  Annoyed that we can live in a system which seems powerless to help those who really need it and more importantly, a system which places blame on those who are the least fortunate of us.  That the scapegoat becomes the poor, uneducated, and underprivileged.  Annoyed to hear those with means and even those with just enough blame those with very little instead of those with much.

...

Some months ago, I was struck by a conversation similar to this article (or here on the Huff Post) which speaks to sharing.

Toddlers know they should share, but the compulsion to keep their booty for themselves wins out.  As children age and mature and are able to balance their emotions with a moral inner-dialog, their ability to share grows.  Children at 5 or 6 share somewhat, children at 7 or 8 are sharing half of their bounty.

Applied to those members of our society, I have determined that those of the 1% and wealthy top percents are, therefore, the toddlers of our society.  They do not possess the moral inner-dialog which allows them to share.  Instead they buy politicians who create laws to allow them to take more from others.  Instead they hold their money.  Instead banks do not lend, minimum wage is not increased, food safety is not addressed, the environment is laid to waste.  All so that the toddlers of our society may have a 2nd jet or a 3rd yacht.  These are the most savage of us.  These are the people who are beholden to their own basest yearnings - the most uncivilized among us.

I suppose most of us fall somewhere between toddler and eight-year old.  And a few - the truly civilized of the bunch, share nearly everything.  These are the Mother Theresas of the world, the Pope Francises, the man who is talented, but shares his talent NOT for a high-paying corporate job, but to be an educator, a pastor, a mentor.

I confess, I'm a sucker for a pretty pair of shoes, I'd love to re-do my kitchen, and I am subject to be drawn in by Pinterest.

I'm not advocating we all become Mother Theresa.  I suppose I'm merely remarking that those who should be most respected are not those who have been handed wealth (or gotten there by dubious and selfish means), but by those who choose to share.  Those who share their wealth, their time, their talents.

I digress...

To come back to the gratitude and walk away from the annoyance (or perhaps, put it on the shelf and use it to fuel my letter-writing, volunteering, and other such motivations), I wish to advocate, my faithful reader, for gratitude.  Yes.  Yes.  My earlier...um, rant, perhaps aside, I am also every day reminded of how lucky I am.

I am saddened when I hear people with so much speak only of what they feel has been wrongly taken from them.  To hear others measure the sum of their lives as a monetary sum which they have lost over the years.  Annoyed to listen to people look to others as if they owe them something.

I believe it is all perspective.  Happiness is a choice.  We do encounter truly difficult things.  Everyone has their demons they fight every day.  You may not see them, but they are there.  BUT, for most of us, despite trials and difficulties, we have much to be thankful for.

I'm still not sure exactly what the message is...perhaps to be thankful for what you have.  Look at what you have and appreciate what you have today, right now, in this very moment.  Let the little things go.  Embrace the gifts you do have.  Work for betterment.  Let go of anger and bitterness or better yet, use it to fuel action toward the positive.

I'm very lucky.  I try to remember this in every moment.  It isn't always easy, but it's there.  I only need look for it.

*available for free through DailyLit.com or other such sites that gain access to classics

Part III: Sometimes my inner commentary sounds like tweets from The Onion

- Gingerbread man annoyed with putting foot in mouth at every party.

- Heated blanket already tired of winter.

- Cat diets: "If I could just lose a pound, I'll fit into my holiday outfit."

- Hottest new cookie cutter: the Miley Twerk.

- Man becomes cuddly bear around babies.  Then he becomes hungry and eats the babies.

- Friend relieved to hear what girl has for lunch everyday on Facebook.  "It bothers me all morning."

- Fringe lamp in grandmom's basement finally getting its due.

- January.

- Cat giving up ruining furniture for lent.  "I've done my part.  Plus, I need to regrow my nails."

- Christmas tree sets fire only to ugly ornaments.  "It's a blessing.  Now we don't have to pretend to like them every year, but have a great excuse for why they aren't on the tree."

- Spotlight on Recession Cutbacks: working in a shared cubicle with a shared chair.

- "I just don't like dogs," explains satanist.

- Awkward girl has really funny things to say but bad timing.  "Or I just forget them before I can say them," she confesses, "but I really am funny."

- Santa decides against delivering toys in Vatican City, "They already have plenty of fat men in costumes who can give out presents.  Plus, Wiki says it's 0.000011% of the population."

- "He never answers a question directly.  It's always riddles with him!" exasperated wife of Merl Reagle confides.

- Breaking: Netflix Instant admits to taking at least 30 seconds to load.

- Girl leaves job to do more laundry.  "We just go through so many towels."

Interview! Interview? Interview?? Bueller?

I'd like to thank this organization for reading my blog and then proceeding in such a way as to generate material for a new blog post.  
That's the only logical explanation, so that's what I'm going with...

On Thursday about 10 am I received an email invitation to interview for a job (I had just applied about 5 am, so this was very exciting!).  

Phone interview would be on Tuesday (today) - requested I select time slot from list in the email.

I replied around noon (same day / Thursday) with something along the lines of: thank you for the opportunity to learn more about [Company X] and the position.  I'm available time 1 and time 2.  [etc.]

No reply or confirmation Thursday or Friday.

I emailed them again Monday: Thank you again for your help in scheduling the phone interview for tomorrow. Please confirm the time so that I may adjust my schedule accordingly. If you would please also let me know with whom my interview is scheduled, I will prepare my questions appropriately. [etc.]

No reply Monday, no reply or call today.

You'd think I had contacted them and asked them for an interview. Nope. They did indeed contact me about the interview - complete with a date and time slots.  I went back and re-read it about 10 times to be sure I wasn't making it all up.

Yeah, it's cool. No need to even drop a short email. I can only assume that Company X sees themselves as so high and mighty that as an applicant, I do not even warrant the courtesy of a 'thanks but no thanks' after YOU CONTACTED ME.

I'll just scratch this non-profit off my list of organizations I may wish to work for and add them to the 'WTF is wrong with these people?' list.  

This WTF list is getting kinda long...

Sigh... Interviews, Interviews, Interviews!

If you read this blog, you know I've been interviewing quite a bit (something like 12 interviews in as many weeks and a few I've turned down).  It's great because I'm getting great return on those positions I've applied to.  I believe my return was helped  by narrowing the application field and apply a focused attention to those positions which are a great fit.

BUT, interviewing is just about the most frustrating experience one can have.  I've tackled this on many a previous post (there are many frustrations), but KING OF THE FRUSTRATIONS is:

THEY'VE ALREADY DECIDED TO HIRE SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE YOU EVEN WALK THROUGH THE DOOR.

I recently interviewed for a position which was tailor-made for my skills, passion, and temperament.  I can honestly say, it was a mistake not to offer me the position.  It was the type of job and organization that I'd have loved to make my life's career.

Here's how the interview went down:
I met with two managers.  The "manager-manager" (M-M) had a surprise meeting come up, so when I arrived, we were cut very short.  During our short meeting, the M-M was watching the clock the whole time.  In addition, the M-M was not prepared for our meeting.  Not only did the M-M not have a copy of my resume (I did, no biggie), but the M-M had never looked over my resume and knew nothing about me.

The other interviewer was fantastic and I feel, had a good sense of my close fit for the needs of the office and position.

Unfortunately, they had already decided on someone else before I had even walked through the door.

Managers think they are doing a job-hunter a favor allowing them to prepare for 20 hours to meet with the company, spend the time, money, and emotional focus to attend the interview - EVEN IF they have no intention of hiring you.

I DISAGREE.

Just cancel the interview.  Don't assume I have time to waste and I'll not waste your time.

When I do interview, it'd be nice for the person/s to be present (not just physically).  This is SO rare (maybe 10%).

I've interviewed and hired people myself and I am proud to honestly say I've always extended the courtesy and respect of the time of the person interviewing.

Managers: either don't invite me for an interview, cancel if you decide on someone else before you meet me, or grant me the respect of time that YOU ASKED for.

And that's why you go on the interview...

...because the person you would be working for is a controlling maniac evident in the first 4 minutes of the interview.

...because it turns out it'll take you four hours to get there.

...because by "flex-time" they mean between 8:45 & 9:00 am to 5:00 or 5:15 pm.

...because the location is so depressing, you may actually visit that strip bar next door.

...because they ask you trick questions that are not specific and the answer is both yes AND no.

...because they clearly have nothing else in their lives and want to hire someone who will also devote their entire life to the job (for under 35 a year).

...because when you get there it is clear that the entire system is convoluted and laughably inefficient and that's not even your strong suit.

...because the person interviewing you has fallen asleep.

...because the person interviewing you looks like they just rolled out of bed (and it's not that kind of job).

...because I have YET to go on a job interview where I walk away thinking, "THIS - THIS is the place I want to work!"

Good grief!

The Atlantic recently had an article about companies which hire by testing their potential employees via online games.  It sounds intimidating, but it takes all the personal biases out of the equation.  How often have people assumed any of the following about me?
- I'm too young (I look younger than I am).

- I'll have kids in the next few years and they'll have to pay for it (whether true or not [not]).

- I don't look like someone who could be in charge (read: I'm a chick).

- I'm not hireable because I left my last job (after 8.5 years).

- I'm a bitch (I'm skinny and pretty, therefore, catty and cold).

It's really hard to interview for both parties.  You only get an hour of face-time (give or take) and everyone is on their best behavior.  I actually like the idea behind the article (which is good, you should read it).  It both gives the employer an unbiased evaluation but also the employee an unbiased evaluation as to whether the position might be a good fit.

But I'll tell you (since this IS my blog and all) some things I've learned from all this interviewing and job hunting:

- Practice makes perfect.  You get better at interviewing the more you do it.

- Everyone asks the same questions (mostly).

- The best attitude you can take is one of "meant to be".  Relax.  If it doesn't go well or you are not offered the job (or it is a terrible disappointment), then it's just not meant to be.  Perhaps a new opportunity is around the corner.

- Rework your resume and cover letter.  I've gotten excellent response.  If you haven't - you are either not applying to the correct positions or you need a new tactic.  Do some research & try a few things out.

-  Stop applying to everything out there.  Focus your efforts.  Spend an hour or four writing your cover letter & updating your resume for each position you apply to and only apply to those positions which are amazing.

I mean, I'm no expert, but that's how it's shaken out for me thus far.

Good luck to those looking - may you find your perfect fit.  Onward!

Hallucinating Foucault (a novel) by Patricia Duncker

In the first pages of the book, I realized the joy of this piece is language.

In places, the prose is devastatingly beautiful - begging to be read aloud - exhaled at a whisper in the middle of the night - passing the warmth of your lips only to be inhaled sharply by your tendermost heart.

Witty in places...

"He was clearly fearless in the face of cholesterol."

or

"I kissed her very carefully, just in case she decided to bite me."

lyrical in others...

"...caught at last in the rising flood of warm air, carrying the sand from the south.  The Alps are folded above the flickering light."

and with a transportive tangible quality...

"Her other room was a startling, decadent mass of reds; a scarlet bedspread threaded with gold, an old Turkish carpet which was her father's gift, a turbulent web of ochre, brown and gold.  The lampshades, adorned with hanging tassels of red lace, has escaped from a Regency brothel.  She had a huge, empty birdcage, shaped like a bell jar.  On her desk was a mass of paper, overrun with her precise and tiny handwriting."

I'm only about a quarter through, starting last night, but with a pacing to digest between readings, but I'm looking forward to the rest.  Duncker's writing is calling to me.