I am a feminist. Yep, I believe I should get equal pay for equal work. I believe I'm smart. AND, I don't believe that dudes are intrinsically better at everything. So, I guess that makes me a feminist.
Remember when...
"You can do anything you want to do!"
"You can be anything you want to be!"
Not really true.
I mean, maybe if you are born privileged and a dude, maybe, but otherwise, that's a bunch of guff.
Here's the thing, especially if you are FEMALE:
Let's start with the whole kids discussion.
- When you are between 25 & 40, companies are gonna assume you are going to have kids at some point and so you are less desirable. It's a strike against you when you are looking for jobs. In their mind, you either a) are going to have them soon b) you have them and they will take up too much of your time or c) there is something wrong with you if you don't.
I actually had a business mentor tell me that I should make it a point to bring it up in an interview because it would stand in my way (this was woman to woman talk from a woman who has been successful in the world of business for a long time).
AND...
- At some point you WILL have to choose between children and: career, side-projects, & education. There that saying that you can have everything, but not all at one time - but actually, I don't know if this is really true.
- If you get pregnant when you are in high school, or youngish, you become a mom (duh). I just mean that everything else is exponentially harder AND even in the 20teens, the onus falls to the female to raise the kids. So, maybe you wait to have kids if you want other things too...and during this waiting you find out that:
- You can't really have both. I mean, how can you raise a kid (and be there, foe realz), have a career, and also have a meaningful self-identity through a separate focus? It's nearly impossible unless you 1. Have resources / don't have to work or 2. Your work is your passion / life-mission. Some people have this! And it's great, but most of us do not have the means or resources.
- If you are a chick, the world of business is harder. Just is. It's also harder if you are a minority. Just is. Not male and white? Bummer.
- Can't tell you how many interviews I went on where the interviewer walked out to meet me, took one look at me and their whole face and body language changed. I mean, on paper I looked awesome (um, I AM), and they knew I was a lady, but when they saw that I didn't look like a dude, well, I couldn't be smart or capable.
- I was convinced that I would end up working for a woman (and I did). Listen, I like dudes. I'm friends with them, married one, respect the good ones. But many of the dudes who are in management have old school (read: biased) views. They cannot see past the ponytail.
- Don't believe me? READ THIS.
- OR THIS - scroll down and start at "What really distinguishes CEOs from the rest of us, for instance?" if you don't want to read the whole article b/c it is long.
- Ladies are constantly hassled AND SUPPOSED TO LIKE IT.
- When I was in grade school & high school I was teased because I was too skinny (well, and also because I was confident in my singular strangeness). I believe the words, "She doesn't even have boobs" were used to describe me in 8th grade in front of the entire class (not scarring at all). I was gauky and gangly (um, still am). Just part of growing up, and not a singular incident, but my point is - I can't help feel that girls get that type of teasing growing up and do boys? I'm not a boy, but the teasing for girls seems to be very directed at how much of a woman they are.
- Once I was out of college and entered the workforce, I have had to deal with all kinds of bullsh!t from males I work with. CONSTANTLY. It's just creepy and weird when dudes from a janitors to colleagues constantly comment on how you look inappropriately. Not like, oh, hey, I like that shirt or You look like spring today! But whispered on the DL often when no one else is around or can hear you. Harassment? I guess? It just walks the border or just doesn't feel worth it. And it happens all the time for me and has for years and years. Don't believe me? Examples:
- "I'm gonna miss that @ss" - upon hearing I was leaving the company
- Whispered to me in a low-not-at-all-(sarcasm)-creepy tone, "you are just so beautiful today. beautiful. beautiful."
- "Not everyone is going to appreciate the way you look."
- BUT REMEMBER: as a female, you have to dress as much like a male as possible. Monkey suit it up. Seriously. Society tells women they should look "forever twenty", but in the workplace, a douty, always-looks-in-her-40s woman has the edge. "Don't take her seriously" "Has to look like she can be in a meeting" were two phrases I had heard because I like color and wear lady-clothes. Silly me! Just remember - dark somber colors (think funeral), no fringes, spangles, sequins, ruffles, prettiness, choose boxy and heels. Oh, heels. Yep, you didn't want to wear them? Tough. They should be black or navy pumps. No straps or fancy-smanch. Hope you can walk in them.
Listen, I'm happy where I am. I've made tough decisions and been lucky to land where I am. I'm not in management. I'm not working corporate. I have comp time after I put in my 40. BUT, it has is frustrating to feel like I have had to pound against the glass ceiling and watch capable colleagues who just happen to be women pound on the glass ceiling.
I often wonder what big world decisions would be different if they had been made by women or with women in tandem with men. How our history would have been negotiated if women had not worked behind the scenes, but front and center.
How does male domination shape our society - out companies, messaging, culture acceptances if women are absent from the highest echelons of decision-making?
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Inner Policeman + Kids' Making Art
David Byrne (Author / of Talking Heads) reads his own audio book Bicycle Diaries (recommended) which reflects on his travels throughout the world and riding his bike in different cities / countries. But the book is more about social and city structure than it is about scenery.
In one chapter (London?) he is surprised when the topic of conversation turns openly to a topic that would be taboo in the US (race?) and he notes that his "inner-policeman" would not have allowed him to bring this topic up in polite society.
Burroughs talks about the inner-policeman (did he coin this phrase?) in his writings as well. I had been reading some beat poetry / novels a few months back and I started thinking about Burroughs and the inner-policeman, Byrne and his cultural observations.
I have an inner-policeman. Oh yes, I certainly do. Some would say, he could be stronger, but I think he's pretty strong now. There's a quip in here about the man keeping me down, but I'm too lazy to make it.
There are times when I am suddenly aware of my inner-policeman and it is like getting slapped in the face. I am always taken aback, surprised to remember he is there, pulling back on ideas, blocking pathways.
Recently, I have been working on digitizing and cleaning artwork created by small children. This involves a scanner and Photoshop. It's a fun project (not sarcasm, I love Photoshop).
I'm not changing any of the art, just taking out some glue smudges and digitally putting some pieces back on that did not stick completely.
The project is based on Islamic tiles. The students have seen examples and are to use these as inspiration to create 8.5 x 11" frames for poems to be created later and by a different class.
As I scanned these unbalanced, off-center, mis-matched frames, I was a little disappointed - none of these were clean or pretty. They all looked strange and weird and like mistakes to me.
These kids had no sense of the principles of design, no aesthetic understanding.
And then...
and then.
Something magical happened.
These lop-sided, odd frames became so beautiful and interesting to me. As I worked on them, I felt they were less sterile than much more refined art. They were raw and hungry. The frames were honest and fun. They were magnificent.
These students had not yet developed an inner-aesthetic-policeman! But that we all could go back to that time.
One piece was created from all brilliant red & green "tiles" (construction paper squares / diamonds). Red and green always just reads Christmas to me. I never choose any design that only has red and green. But this kid looked at those colors and thought, "these are great colors together!" and the kid was right, it was indeed beautiful.
One student had created a frame in greens and blues with only one yellow tile in a strange off-centered spot on the right of the frame.
In one chapter (London?) he is surprised when the topic of conversation turns openly to a topic that would be taboo in the US (race?) and he notes that his "inner-policeman" would not have allowed him to bring this topic up in polite society.
Burroughs talks about the inner-policeman (did he coin this phrase?) in his writings as well. I had been reading some beat poetry / novels a few months back and I started thinking about Burroughs and the inner-policeman, Byrne and his cultural observations.
I have an inner-policeman. Oh yes, I certainly do. Some would say, he could be stronger, but I think he's pretty strong now. There's a quip in here about the man keeping me down, but I'm too lazy to make it.
There are times when I am suddenly aware of my inner-policeman and it is like getting slapped in the face. I am always taken aback, surprised to remember he is there, pulling back on ideas, blocking pathways.
Recently, I have been working on digitizing and cleaning artwork created by small children. This involves a scanner and Photoshop. It's a fun project (not sarcasm, I love Photoshop).
I'm not changing any of the art, just taking out some glue smudges and digitally putting some pieces back on that did not stick completely.
The project is based on Islamic tiles. The students have seen examples and are to use these as inspiration to create 8.5 x 11" frames for poems to be created later and by a different class.
As I scanned these unbalanced, off-center, mis-matched frames, I was a little disappointed - none of these were clean or pretty. They all looked strange and weird and like mistakes to me.
These kids had no sense of the principles of design, no aesthetic understanding.
And then...
and then.
Something magical happened.
These lop-sided, odd frames became so beautiful and interesting to me. As I worked on them, I felt they were less sterile than much more refined art. They were raw and hungry. The frames were honest and fun. They were magnificent.
These students had not yet developed an inner-aesthetic-policeman! But that we all could go back to that time.
One piece was created from all brilliant red & green "tiles" (construction paper squares / diamonds). Red and green always just reads Christmas to me. I never choose any design that only has red and green. But this kid looked at those colors and thought, "these are great colors together!" and the kid was right, it was indeed beautiful.
One student had created a frame in greens and blues with only one yellow tile in a strange off-centered spot on the right of the frame.
Some students would cut their own shapes that were twice the size as the pre-cut square / diamond pieces provided to them. They jut into the center free-space irregularly, they are haphazard and strange. They tell a different story from the other pieces. They are rocking out to metal, the rest of the frame is pop.
Sometimes, one side would be drastically different from the other three in color and pattern. Often this was a side piece, not the top or bottom of the frame.
One frame had a double row just one one side. Another built up two or three rows in one of the corners.
One ingenious student cut a long strip of construction paper and twisted it as they glued it down creating undulating dimension (only on one side). Now there's a student who is thinking outside the box. I only hope that the school system does not squash this before the kid realizes it's a good thing.
I was surprised by how much I enjoyed how one student took a larger square / diamond in navy and cut smaller diamonds in navy and glued them on top. You could barely see the difference. It was a little gift to those who took a moment to look closely.
Still other students would ignore the shape of the paper and create a frame that was not 8.5 x 11".
These were some of my favorite pieces.
They bothered me most when I first saw the pieces, but they were fierce and straightforward, unapologetic and bold.
One student had created a giant X across her page with her tiles!
Another, the tiles only grew into the center from one side. The pile starting on an 8.5" edge and working their way into the center of the piece, filling the majority of that half of the page.
And then one student - one brilliant student had taken all of their pieces and in what felt like a random assortment, filled the center of the page! There was a small area surrounding the tiles, but he had created a center of haphazard colors and shapes. The frame becoming the framed.
Working on this project was a beautiful reminder to take stock of my views on beauty and art and how much of that comes from societal ideas that were drilled into me. What an amazing reminder to take stock of my politics, judgments, and beliefs and to critically look at how much of those standards come from societal pressure.
What in my core fiberous center do I believe? What is beautiful to me? When my inner-policeman dismisses an idea or an artwork, look again. It may yet become the MOST enchanting.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Women & Girls & Finding Happiness
When I read articles or watch trending feeds, they plant a shadowy seed in a dark corner of my brain. Fields of shadowy seeds, yet to germinate span the horizons of my mind. Enough seeds planted in the same field and eventually, the planting starts to germinate in that shadowy corner, growing slowly as the light only reaches it occasionally in sporatic flashes. This is the best way I can describe how I think on events and topics. Topics all intersect with one another - seeds from seemingly unconnected articles and conversations having been thrown in the same field.
Lately, it seems as if all these seeds have been sewn in a field dedicated to women's issues, but more specifically, young women in America of child-bearing age, say 20 - 35.
I get so frustrated by how media portrays us - young women - (especially commercials - have you seen those BMW commercials that air during Olympic Primetime?!) and annoyed at articles written by men or moms thinking they know what's up.
Here's the truth: moms and men don't know what it's like to be a young woman today. If you are a man or a mom: You don't. You are not one.
More importantly, all these messages we receive (men and women) from the moment we are in this world, create a lifetime of hurdles to jump in order to find what makes us happy. You have to sift through all the things that you think should make you happy, I mean, that's what everyone tells me will make me happy, before you can even start to uncover what really will make you happy (this ties into my thoughts later on still growing and waiting on marriage).
Think on Disney Princess movies. Growing up, you might have connected with Disney Princesses. What's the message there? One, that there is only one right person for you, he's a prince either in name or a diamond in the rough prince, who will fight evil and go through all extremes to be with you. Sure, recent movies have somewhat flexed in their message, but it's still there. Especially if you are in the 30 + crowd.
What are the expectations there for a partner? We will "live happily ever after", he will sacrifice himself for you to give you everything you ever needed, he will always be strong and triumphant, he will forgive all of your flaws because he was instantly smitten with your beauty (hopefully you are beautiful, thin, and have great hair). Oh, and be sure to get married or find your match when you are like, 16. Cause, that's when it will happen. I mean, maybe when you are 18 or 20, but after that you are just too old.
Huh. Well, it turns out that in order to "live happily ever after" you have to work hard at it and both of you have to compromise. And if you ask someone to sacrifice all of themselves, they end up with nothing of themselves.
As to your man being strong and triumphant always - it turns out it is better to rely on yourself. Do your own research, learn to stand on your own feet. That way between the two of you, you can make a good decision. Relying on someone else to make all your decisions just leads to helplessness and spite (perhaps you know a mom who allowed her husband to make all of her decisions for her and you have seen this yourself **I'm not lumping all moms in this category! I'm just saying to look around and take note if there is one.).
AND, as to forgiving all your sins because you are beautiful, well, actually, that does work. Kidding. Hopefully, you find a partner who forgives you (and you forgive them) not because you are beautiful, but because you are worth it. Because you are the kind of person worth forgiving.
As to age, well...I'm sure you've all heard of or read the Princeton Mom's article on being sure to use college to find a man to marry. I've been thinking about the marriage-mart a lot over the years and it just all came back and slapped me in the face when I read that article.
I went to an all women's college, so whoops.
But really. Let me briefly respond to the idea that you must find a man in college: 1. Internet dating is forever. 2. How many of those who jumped into relationships young are divorced? In my circles, many. I had been in maybe 10 weddings before I was married, of those...let's see who is still married...two couples. I've been to lots of other weddings where the couple is still together, but the greater message to me has been that an early marriage does not mean a happy one. AND, that people are still changing and growing tremendously after college and folks often grow apart. AND that not everyone is really ready for marriage at 25, but society tells us we should get married before we will look old in our pictures.
(Side note: I worked with a Chinese girl who told me once that after 25 you are "left over Christmas cake" - meaning that everyone loved Christmas cookies, cakes, sweets before and on Christmas, but once 26 hits, no one is interested. - Good grief!)
In our parents' generation, society helped us to see that women played 2nd fiddle to men (that's sarcasm, folks). But today, women don't have to put their own wishes aside for a dude. Do you want a career? (it's okay if the answer is no. it's also okay if the answer is yes!) Not sure if you do or not want kids? Oh, and you don't have to settle for the first guy you sleep with. That doesn't make you a slut, that makes you practical.
As to wanting kids... There have been a lot of articles about women who don't want kids flying around. You've read them, I'm sure. That's great if you don't want kids. You don't have to want kids.
BUT, it's also okay if you don't know. OR, if you don't want kids and then you decide five years later that oh, you really DO want kids. OR if you want kids want kids want kids (and if later you decide, 'what was I thinking! I don't want kids!', that's okay too). You don't need to make up your mind now, you don't need to get married just because you might want to have kids. You can decide later, and you can always adopt. It's okay to change your mind.
Speaking of burning down the planet and getting back to one other important issue I want to touch on: appearance. Women and girls and beauty and Disney and stories. When was the last time you saw an overweight Disney Princess? What message does that send? Come to think of it, when was the last time you saw an overweight girl heroine (not woman, girl)?
I remember reading, "Fit is the new Skinny". That's ridiculous. Skinny is skinny. Fit is fit. They are not the same. If you are physically fit, then that's amazing. Don't belittle it by saying fit is the new skinny. Just embrace fit as fit. It's like someone saying Orange is the New Black (and meaning it in fashion). It isn't. Black is black is will always be black.
I'mma let you in on a not-so-secret. I'm skinny. It's genetic. I have a sweet tooth that takes up my entire mouth and makes it hard for me to talk. I'm also pretty. Sorry, it's true. But, there are still tons of things I would change about myself (that's the not-so-secret). I consider myself to be fairly accepting of myself, but I still find I am extremely critical. I'm never going to look like a Disney Princess. First, I don't have the hair for it. I have super shitty hair. Secondly, I can't sing, and that's a big part of being a DP. Also, I don't have that straight nose. Seriously, though, it's like trying to be a Barbie Doll - physically impossible.
There's a great short TED talk by a super model who talks about how super models are the most self-conscious people on the planet. That's what I'm talking about.
We live in a place were people are telling you that to be happy, you need to be skinny and beautiful, you need to find a man, you need to have kids, you need a big TV and fancy clothes.
I guess I think it's all bull. I'm happier than I've ever been. I do have a husband, but my happiness does not come from him (although, I'm happy to share my happy life with him). My happiness comes from my self-fulfillment. Truly. I don't own a car, I don't have a fancy house, I can't buy lots of expensive clothing.
You want to be happy? Be thankful. Be honest with yourself. Find your personal mission statement and use that as your North Star.
Lately, it seems as if all these seeds have been sewn in a field dedicated to women's issues, but more specifically, young women in America of child-bearing age, say 20 - 35.
I get so frustrated by how media portrays us - young women - (especially commercials - have you seen those BMW commercials that air during Olympic Primetime?!) and annoyed at articles written by men or moms thinking they know what's up.
Here's the truth: moms and men don't know what it's like to be a young woman today. If you are a man or a mom: You don't. You are not one.
More importantly, all these messages we receive (men and women) from the moment we are in this world, create a lifetime of hurdles to jump in order to find what makes us happy. You have to sift through all the things that you think should make you happy, I mean, that's what everyone tells me will make me happy, before you can even start to uncover what really will make you happy (this ties into my thoughts later on still growing and waiting on marriage).
Think on Disney Princess movies. Growing up, you might have connected with Disney Princesses. What's the message there? One, that there is only one right person for you, he's a prince either in name or a diamond in the rough prince, who will fight evil and go through all extremes to be with you. Sure, recent movies have somewhat flexed in their message, but it's still there. Especially if you are in the 30 + crowd.
What are the expectations there for a partner? We will "live happily ever after", he will sacrifice himself for you to give you everything you ever needed, he will always be strong and triumphant, he will forgive all of your flaws because he was instantly smitten with your beauty (hopefully you are beautiful, thin, and have great hair). Oh, and be sure to get married or find your match when you are like, 16. Cause, that's when it will happen. I mean, maybe when you are 18 or 20, but after that you are just too old.
Huh. Well, it turns out that in order to "live happily ever after" you have to work hard at it and both of you have to compromise. And if you ask someone to sacrifice all of themselves, they end up with nothing of themselves.
As to your man being strong and triumphant always - it turns out it is better to rely on yourself. Do your own research, learn to stand on your own feet. That way between the two of you, you can make a good decision. Relying on someone else to make all your decisions just leads to helplessness and spite (perhaps you know a mom who allowed her husband to make all of her decisions for her and you have seen this yourself **I'm not lumping all moms in this category! I'm just saying to look around and take note if there is one.).
AND, as to forgiving all your sins because you are beautiful, well, actually, that does work. Kidding. Hopefully, you find a partner who forgives you (and you forgive them) not because you are beautiful, but because you are worth it. Because you are the kind of person worth forgiving.
As to age, well...I'm sure you've all heard of or read the Princeton Mom's article on being sure to use college to find a man to marry. I've been thinking about the marriage-mart a lot over the years and it just all came back and slapped me in the face when I read that article.
I went to an all women's college, so whoops.
But really. Let me briefly respond to the idea that you must find a man in college: 1. Internet dating is forever. 2. How many of those who jumped into relationships young are divorced? In my circles, many. I had been in maybe 10 weddings before I was married, of those...let's see who is still married...two couples. I've been to lots of other weddings where the couple is still together, but the greater message to me has been that an early marriage does not mean a happy one. AND, that people are still changing and growing tremendously after college and folks often grow apart. AND that not everyone is really ready for marriage at 25, but society tells us we should get married before we will look old in our pictures.
(Side note: I worked with a Chinese girl who told me once that after 25 you are "left over Christmas cake" - meaning that everyone loved Christmas cookies, cakes, sweets before and on Christmas, but once 26 hits, no one is interested. - Good grief!)
In our parents' generation, society helped us to see that women played 2nd fiddle to men (that's sarcasm, folks). But today, women don't have to put their own wishes aside for a dude. Do you want a career? (it's okay if the answer is no. it's also okay if the answer is yes!) Not sure if you do or not want kids? Oh, and you don't have to settle for the first guy you sleep with. That doesn't make you a slut, that makes you practical.
As to wanting kids... There have been a lot of articles about women who don't want kids flying around. You've read them, I'm sure. That's great if you don't want kids. You don't have to want kids.
BUT, it's also okay if you don't know. OR, if you don't want kids and then you decide five years later that oh, you really DO want kids. OR if you want kids want kids want kids (and if later you decide, 'what was I thinking! I don't want kids!', that's okay too). You don't need to make up your mind now, you don't need to get married just because you might want to have kids. You can decide later, and you can always adopt. It's okay to change your mind.
Speaking of burning down the planet and getting back to one other important issue I want to touch on: appearance. Women and girls and beauty and Disney and stories. When was the last time you saw an overweight Disney Princess? What message does that send? Come to think of it, when was the last time you saw an overweight girl heroine (not woman, girl)?
I remember reading, "Fit is the new Skinny". That's ridiculous. Skinny is skinny. Fit is fit. They are not the same. If you are physically fit, then that's amazing. Don't belittle it by saying fit is the new skinny. Just embrace fit as fit. It's like someone saying Orange is the New Black (and meaning it in fashion). It isn't. Black is black is will always be black.
I'mma let you in on a not-so-secret. I'm skinny. It's genetic. I have a sweet tooth that takes up my entire mouth and makes it hard for me to talk. I'm also pretty. Sorry, it's true. But, there are still tons of things I would change about myself (that's the not-so-secret). I consider myself to be fairly accepting of myself, but I still find I am extremely critical. I'm never going to look like a Disney Princess. First, I don't have the hair for it. I have super shitty hair. Secondly, I can't sing, and that's a big part of being a DP. Also, I don't have that straight nose. Seriously, though, it's like trying to be a Barbie Doll - physically impossible.
There's a great short TED talk by a super model who talks about how super models are the most self-conscious people on the planet. That's what I'm talking about.
We live in a place were people are telling you that to be happy, you need to be skinny and beautiful, you need to find a man, you need to have kids, you need a big TV and fancy clothes.
I guess I think it's all bull. I'm happier than I've ever been. I do have a husband, but my happiness does not come from him (although, I'm happy to share my happy life with him). My happiness comes from my self-fulfillment. Truly. I don't own a car, I don't have a fancy house, I can't buy lots of expensive clothing.
You want to be happy? Be thankful. Be honest with yourself. Find your personal mission statement and use that as your North Star.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Civility and Gratitude
Life has recently conspired to send me the same message over and over. I can be somewhat obtuse and slow-witted, so perhaps Cosmic Karma is covering all her bases to be sure her message eventually is clear.
I have been receiving this centering message via literature, social engagement, social media, current events, and chance happenings. My message has been delivered to be timed with the holidays and turning of the calendar year, which has intensified its meaning and added deeper thought to an otherwise only slightly contemplative time.
As my message has been materializing as a soft whisper or slight suggestion for a number of weeks, I've had a chance to mull it over. It's turned in my brain, entered my dreams, colored my holiday baking. I've almost grasped at her meaning in a moment of distraction or daydreaming only to lose sight of her when my eyes returned focus to the physical around me. And so, I write this post without a fully realized understanding, but with a reach for something more profound.
...
I've been doing a lot of reading...finally getting around to reading Sinclair's The Jungle*, as well as Burrough's Junky (just finished this morning), Proust's Swann's Way*, and some weeks ago having finished Mulligan's Call of the Lark in which she describes her youth in an impoverished Ireland, and reading online articles including articles such as this article oh and this article too.
Standout recent events have stayed with me as stock for the message soup. Notably, my grandmom's loss of her jewelry (stolen - including her high school class ring and other items worth more in emotional than monetary significance) and a frank discussion with friends who have so much to be grateful for, but are bitter and angry instead.
Each of my readings, of my gatherings with friends and family, of my job hunt and struggle with the give and take of a capitalistic society, of my growing appreciation for a partner I love but also am so grateful for, and of my struggle with creativity in all her forms, each of these has entered into a dialog with my reading and these other events.
I am filled with a warring sense of gratitude, annoyance, and sadness. Annoyed that we can live in a system which seems powerless to help those who really need it and more importantly, a system which places blame on those who are the least fortunate of us. That the scapegoat becomes the poor, uneducated, and underprivileged. Annoyed to hear those with means and even those with just enough blame those with very little instead of those with much.
...
Some months ago, I was struck by a conversation similar to this article (or here on the Huff Post) which speaks to sharing.
Toddlers know they should share, but the compulsion to keep their booty for themselves wins out. As children age and mature and are able to balance their emotions with a moral inner-dialog, their ability to share grows. Children at 5 or 6 share somewhat, children at 7 or 8 are sharing half of their bounty.
Applied to those members of our society, I have determined that those of the 1% and wealthy top percents are, therefore, the toddlers of our society. They do not possess the moral inner-dialog which allows them to share. Instead they buy politicians who create laws to allow them to take more from others. Instead they hold their money. Instead banks do not lend, minimum wage is not increased, food safety is not addressed, the environment is laid to waste. All so that the toddlers of our society may have a 2nd jet or a 3rd yacht. These are the most savage of us. These are the people who are beholden to their own basest yearnings - the most uncivilized among us.
I suppose most of us fall somewhere between toddler and eight-year old. And a few - the truly civilized of the bunch, share nearly everything. These are the Mother Theresas of the world, the Pope Francises, the man who is talented, but shares his talent NOT for a high-paying corporate job, but to be an educator, a pastor, a mentor.
I confess, I'm a sucker for a pretty pair of shoes, I'd love to re-do my kitchen, and I am subject to be drawn in by Pinterest.
I'm not advocating we all become Mother Theresa. I suppose I'm merely remarking that those who should be most respected are not those who have been handed wealth (or gotten there by dubious and selfish means), but by those who choose to share. Those who share their wealth, their time, their talents.
I digress...
To come back to the gratitude and walk away from the annoyance (or perhaps, put it on the shelf and use it to fuel my letter-writing, volunteering, and other such motivations), I wish to advocate, my faithful reader, for gratitude. Yes. Yes. My earlier...um, rant, perhaps aside, I am also every day reminded of how lucky I am.
I am saddened when I hear people with so much speak only of what they feel has been wrongly taken from them. To hear others measure the sum of their lives as a monetary sum which they have lost over the years. Annoyed to listen to people look to others as if they owe them something.
I believe it is all perspective. Happiness is a choice. We do encounter truly difficult things. Everyone has their demons they fight every day. You may not see them, but they are there. BUT, for most of us, despite trials and difficulties, we have much to be thankful for.
I'm still not sure exactly what the message is...perhaps to be thankful for what you have. Look at what you have and appreciate what you have today, right now, in this very moment. Let the little things go. Embrace the gifts you do have. Work for betterment. Let go of anger and bitterness or better yet, use it to fuel action toward the positive.
I'm very lucky. I try to remember this in every moment. It isn't always easy, but it's there. I only need look for it.
*available for free through DailyLit.com or other such sites that gain access to classics
I have been receiving this centering message via literature, social engagement, social media, current events, and chance happenings. My message has been delivered to be timed with the holidays and turning of the calendar year, which has intensified its meaning and added deeper thought to an otherwise only slightly contemplative time.
As my message has been materializing as a soft whisper or slight suggestion for a number of weeks, I've had a chance to mull it over. It's turned in my brain, entered my dreams, colored my holiday baking. I've almost grasped at her meaning in a moment of distraction or daydreaming only to lose sight of her when my eyes returned focus to the physical around me. And so, I write this post without a fully realized understanding, but with a reach for something more profound.
...
I've been doing a lot of reading...finally getting around to reading Sinclair's The Jungle*, as well as Burrough's Junky (just finished this morning), Proust's Swann's Way*, and some weeks ago having finished Mulligan's Call of the Lark in which she describes her youth in an impoverished Ireland, and reading online articles including articles such as this article oh and this article too.
Standout recent events have stayed with me as stock for the message soup. Notably, my grandmom's loss of her jewelry (stolen - including her high school class ring and other items worth more in emotional than monetary significance) and a frank discussion with friends who have so much to be grateful for, but are bitter and angry instead.
Each of my readings, of my gatherings with friends and family, of my job hunt and struggle with the give and take of a capitalistic society, of my growing appreciation for a partner I love but also am so grateful for, and of my struggle with creativity in all her forms, each of these has entered into a dialog with my reading and these other events.
I am filled with a warring sense of gratitude, annoyance, and sadness. Annoyed that we can live in a system which seems powerless to help those who really need it and more importantly, a system which places blame on those who are the least fortunate of us. That the scapegoat becomes the poor, uneducated, and underprivileged. Annoyed to hear those with means and even those with just enough blame those with very little instead of those with much.
...
Some months ago, I was struck by a conversation similar to this article (or here on the Huff Post) which speaks to sharing.
Toddlers know they should share, but the compulsion to keep their booty for themselves wins out. As children age and mature and are able to balance their emotions with a moral inner-dialog, their ability to share grows. Children at 5 or 6 share somewhat, children at 7 or 8 are sharing half of their bounty.
Applied to those members of our society, I have determined that those of the 1% and wealthy top percents are, therefore, the toddlers of our society. They do not possess the moral inner-dialog which allows them to share. Instead they buy politicians who create laws to allow them to take more from others. Instead they hold their money. Instead banks do not lend, minimum wage is not increased, food safety is not addressed, the environment is laid to waste. All so that the toddlers of our society may have a 2nd jet or a 3rd yacht. These are the most savage of us. These are the people who are beholden to their own basest yearnings - the most uncivilized among us.
I suppose most of us fall somewhere between toddler and eight-year old. And a few - the truly civilized of the bunch, share nearly everything. These are the Mother Theresas of the world, the Pope Francises, the man who is talented, but shares his talent NOT for a high-paying corporate job, but to be an educator, a pastor, a mentor.
I confess, I'm a sucker for a pretty pair of shoes, I'd love to re-do my kitchen, and I am subject to be drawn in by Pinterest.
I'm not advocating we all become Mother Theresa. I suppose I'm merely remarking that those who should be most respected are not those who have been handed wealth (or gotten there by dubious and selfish means), but by those who choose to share. Those who share their wealth, their time, their talents.
I digress...
To come back to the gratitude and walk away from the annoyance (or perhaps, put it on the shelf and use it to fuel my letter-writing, volunteering, and other such motivations), I wish to advocate, my faithful reader, for gratitude. Yes. Yes. My earlier...um, rant, perhaps aside, I am also every day reminded of how lucky I am.
I am saddened when I hear people with so much speak only of what they feel has been wrongly taken from them. To hear others measure the sum of their lives as a monetary sum which they have lost over the years. Annoyed to listen to people look to others as if they owe them something.
I believe it is all perspective. Happiness is a choice. We do encounter truly difficult things. Everyone has their demons they fight every day. You may not see them, but they are there. BUT, for most of us, despite trials and difficulties, we have much to be thankful for.
I'm still not sure exactly what the message is...perhaps to be thankful for what you have. Look at what you have and appreciate what you have today, right now, in this very moment. Let the little things go. Embrace the gifts you do have. Work for betterment. Let go of anger and bitterness or better yet, use it to fuel action toward the positive.
I'm very lucky. I try to remember this in every moment. It isn't always easy, but it's there. I only need look for it.
*available for free through DailyLit.com or other such sites that gain access to classics
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