Undergrad College Graduation Time! Golden Nuggets of my Brain Thoughts.

My sister graduates with her bachelor's this week - 12 years after my own college graduation.

In my family, it is customary to make greeting cards.  This has always been our tradition, dating back to scribbles on the outside with mom or dad signing our name on the inside before we could write our own letters.

I started to look for inspiration today to make my sister a graduation card.  I looked through my clipping files, magazines, newspapers before it dawned on me, that what I really wanted was to give my sister was some advice that would actually help her.

Listen, I'm all for "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" but a little bit of reality amixed with the graduation glossiness will do everyone some good here.

Ten years after graduation, I realized that I hadn't done all the things I thought I would have done by now.  It's true, it'll happen to you too.  It's OKAY.  Really.  I'm not saying you should plan to not get them done, I'm just saying that when you look up and you're suddenly 35, there will be things you haven't done.

What is more important is what you HAVE gained in that time.

I was working at UArts when Neil Gaiman gave his "Make Good Art" speech.  It was moving and brought the house down.  Everyone was inspired.  He's also, like, totally super hip.

BUT, the truth is, it's not about making GOOD art.  It's about making ANY art.  It's that you KEEP making art.  Make BAD art.  Make MEDIOCRE art.  Just keep making.  CHASE GREATNESS.

'Cause really - if you are N.G., you probs always make good art (or, at least mostly), but if you're 99.999% of the population, you make shitty art 99.999% of the time - especially in the beginning and for a long time after that.  That's just how it is.  The real lesson is: don't get discouraged.

Failure Informs Success.

And there's the take-away - KEEP AT IT - whatever IT is that fuels you.  It could be art, music, writing, science, learning, whatever.  The point is to not give up the piece of you that makes you wonder - that pushes your imagination.

My most spectacular failures have scorched their lessons into the innermost depths of my soul.  I am grateful for them even as I wish they had never happened.

...

And because I've never been short-winded, here're a few other nuggets:

- Relationships are hard.  ALL relationships.  Partners, friends, co-workers, bosses.  Be diligent. Don't take them for granted.  Limit those who are poisonous, but keep up the work for those who are worth it.  Don't compare other people's relationships to yours.  Your relationship will always be its own blessing / challenge as you are neither of the people you are comparing yourself to.

- Be nice to your co-workers.  You'll enjoy your life more.  I've cracked some tough nuts over the years with kindness and laughter.  Keep at the niceness.  In the end, they will also help you pick up the pieces when you make mistakes.

I worked with a woman who I never heard utter a mean word about anyone - in almost a decade! Being nice is a choice.  I'mma not saying I'm never snarky or that it's easy; I'm just pointing out that it's possible to be nice.

- Work hard, but more importantly - learn to work smart.  Prioritize.  Read between the lines - what is it that your boss really wants?  Learn it or ask so you are clear until you can discern for yourself.

- Your corporate boss will never back you (no matter how close you are or how valuable / smart you are) if they think there's more personal gain (for them) if they back the other guy.  Even if you're right.

- Travel.  Travel.  Travel.

- Read.  Articles, books, texts, essays, poetry, you pick.  Just do it.

- Be patient.  This is the hardest thing.  Everything seems to take three times as long as you thought it would.  Be patient.

- Drive safely.  Seriously, get into your zen state.  Road rage is not pretty on anyone and gains you about 30 seconds.  Not worth your or someone else's life.  Try different strategies until you find one that works.  Books on tape works for me.  Comedic podcasts work for many others.

- Take that first crappy job.  You need job experience.  You think you're gonna hate it?  You probably will!  But, it'll serve you well in the long run.  Stick it out at least a year.  Do what is asked of you - but be sure if you are putting in the extra time that your boss knows.  It's a JOB. If you are working crazy hours, you'd best be compensated.

- Negotiate your raise / your job offer.  Practice.  Ask for a raise when you get more work.  Ask for a promotion if you deserve it.  Voice it.  It'll never happen unless you do.

- Go to grad school sooner rather than later.  It gets harder and harder the longer you wait.

- SAVE.  Save those dollars! Start a retirement fund as soon as you are getting a paycheck.

- Before you have lots of other expenses and can live with a bunch of roommates or at home, start paying your loans.  Refinance for a low rate and combine your loans into one payment if possible and set it to auto-pay.  A good student loan repayment history will do your credit favors.  Have extra money because you're living at home?  Put it toward the principle.

- Practice THANKFULNESS.  Seriously, this one thing has been so helpful for me.  Start small if you have to (even sarcastically).  Practice every day.  Practice every time you remember throughout the day.  It gets easier to be thankful the more you practice - and you'll be happier.

Take care of your body.  Wear sunscreen.  Eat your veggies.  Build exercise into your daily routine (bike to work!).  It's much harder once you start working a normal 9-5.

Take Risks - this is a hard one to describe.  Risks are different for everyone, but I've done things that seems crazy to me (not as crazy for others, I'm sure) and it's changed my life.  Quit crappy jobs, gone skydiving, started a novel...

Learn to say no.  Man, this is a really hard one for me.  It takes practice.  If you have trouble saying no, just don't say yes.  Learn to give yourself time to figure out how to say no if you are not good at it on the spot.

Stay in touch with your professors!

Stay in touch with great bosses!

Down time - do it.  Make it.  Without your phone.

PLAY.

And to my sister, I am and will always be your biggest fan.  EPG FTW.

Interviewing Surprises and Excitment

I had a phone interview on a recent Monday. The interview had been pushed back, rescheduled, and almost did not happen. 

When it did happen, it was great! Surprise! I had thought the position was a wash, but it turned out to be a super exciting opportunity!

At the end of the phone interview, I was invited to an in-person meeting with some other team members. Was I available on Thursday (I was not)? How about Monday early morning (I was!)?

Then, the next day, I was sent an email to the effect of: You may ONLY interview on Thursday at time-X ("Unfortunately our time is limited and I will not be able to offer you another time or reschedule.").

I fretted.

 - Did they purposefully ask for a time they knew I was unavailable because they already had someone else in mind (and did really NOT want me to come in for the interview, but felt obligated since that was how the Monday phone interview ended)?

 - Did I really want to work at a place that was so inflexible?

 - Was it really possible that there was NO other time available?

 - Was this indicative of the culture of the company?

 - Could I even change my schedule to make it??

I did change my schedule, and interviewed on that Thursday. I fully expected (given my other experiences with interviewing), that they'd already have someone else in mind for the position.

What I did not expect was a great meeting! I was very pleased that the more I learned about the organization, the more I felt connected to it. The energy, mission, and people are all of my ilk. It was an uplifting experience to see that a connection such as this could still be possible!

A few take-away lessons from this experience:

1. Benefit of the doubt. While a lot of interviewing is dreadful, don't assume that every experience will also be dreadful. There are still good people out there to work for. Besides, when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME...

2. Go anyway. Even if you are 70% sure that this is NOT going to work out, you should go to the interview. Whether you think they've already decided on someone else or you just get a bad vibe. Here's the thing - you don't know FOR SURE. So, GO to the interview. Find out as much about the nature of the position and the organization as possible.

3. Confidence. Not only show up at the interview, but show up believing you are the best person for the job. They would not have asked you to come in if they did not see something that interested them about you. Even if they have decided to hire someone else, you may change their mind when they meet you.

I have only been applying to positions I really want and to which I am well suited. I AM the best person for the job. They'd be luck to have me. This is your attitude.

In addition, I would add...

4. Practice. The more I interview, the better I get.

5. Ask questions. I have become fearless. This is the place you will be working. Hopefully, this is the place I will be working at for the next 10 years or more.  I will give it my 110%. So, I ask questions. Heck, I even ask about the funding sources, the stability of the funding, and the growth of the company.

and finally...

6. Keep your chin up. It's really hard not to get discouraged, but keep your chin up. Remember that finding a job will probably take 6 months. Keep sight of the big picture - if you find a job you love that you can stay at for 5, 10, 15 years, won't it all be worth it?!

7. Luck. Sometimes, it's just bloody luck. So, don't go getting on yourself if you are not offered a job. It might just be that they really hit it off with someone else - almost a chemical reaction. Also, nepotism is a real thing. It might also just be that you hit the interviewer on a bad day. There are factors that are out of your control. Accept it and move on.