- Heated blanket already tired of winter.
- Cat diets: "If I could just lose a pound, I'll fit into my holiday outfit."
- Hottest new cookie cutter: the Miley Twerk.
- Man becomes cuddly bear around babies. Then he becomes hungry and eats the babies.
- Friend relieved to hear what girl has for lunch everyday on Facebook. "It bothers me all morning."
- Fringe lamp in grandmom's basement finally getting its due.
- January.
- Cat giving up ruining furniture for lent. "I've done my part. Plus, I need to regrow my nails."
- Christmas tree sets fire only to ugly ornaments. "It's a blessing. Now we don't have to pretend to like them every year, but have a great excuse for why they aren't on the tree."
- Spotlight on Recession Cutbacks: working in a shared cubicle with a shared chair.
- "I just don't like dogs," explains satanist.
- Awkward girl has really funny things to say but bad timing. "Or I just forget them before I can say them," she confesses, "but I really am funny."
- Santa decides against delivering toys in Vatican City, "They already have plenty of fat men in costumes who can give out presents. Plus, Wiki says it's 0.000011% of the population."
- "He never answers a question directly. It's always riddles with him!" exasperated wife of Merl Reagle confides.
- Breaking: Netflix Instant admits to taking at least 30 seconds to load.
- Girl leaves job to do more laundry. "We just go through so many towels."
No comments:
Post a Comment