Sometimes my inner commentary sounds like tweets from The Onion.

- Man who cannot bend pinky continually ridiculed while drinking tea.

- Only man with Pinterest "Wedding Inspiration" Board confirms its creation was a dare.

- Dog feeling pain of Government Shutdown; must urinate on privately owned trees.

- Newly designed controllers more comfortable for cats to sleep on.

- Couple burns down house waiting for the other partner to get up as oven timer beeps.

- 3-legged dog laments inability to wear favorite Petsmart Halloween costumes.

- Cat thumping tail on owner is actually communicating via Morris Code.

   - Owner disappointed cat's Morris Code thumping is in German, which he doesn't speak.