- Breaking: Umpa Lumpa admits diet consists solely of orange cauliflower.
- Walmart launches new Sexy Halloween Costume Line for babies and toddlers.
- Cat writes best seller by walking/sitting on keyboard.
- Weirdest girl in school wonders why everyone else is so weird.
- New hairdryer pulls more hair through blower to improve and extend burnt hair smell.
- Fit Americans forced to eat fast food to cure un-American-ness.
- Meditation - Butt-sleep connection discovered.
- Girl deleting friends on Facebook disappointed to discover they still exist in real life.
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