Just about 3 months ago, I quit my job without plans to work
anytime soon. For those who don’t know me, I have done this before. I am a serial quitter. Although the last time I quit, it was 10
years ago.
When I quit in February, I had been working in Admissions at
the same university for over 8 years. I
loved the university. I am the type of
person who is “all in” and works very hard.
I was recognized for my hard work by being promoted thoughout my time
there. In a team-building exercise where
we all picked the animal that described a given partner, I was described as a
work horse. Being an All-In personality,
work was like the nursery rhyme, where “the girl” is work:
I once knew a girl with a curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very very good,
But when she was bad, she was wicked.
In the months leading up to leaving the position, work was
wicked. I was consumed by this job and
my life swung on the pendulum of my daily employment experience. I was even dreaming about work – stressful,
tiring dreams. I’d wake exhausted and
sluggish. I was irritable,
depressed. I found myself wanting to be
mean. And as mom always said that the
one thing there was no excuse for was meanness.
I do miss the walking commute. Not enough to replicate it now, but a walking
commute is a definite perk of living + working in the city. The 45 minutes each way was refreshing and
gave me a chance to listen to NPR. I
liked feeling in shape and I liked encouraging my mind to wander off or get
lost in NPR stories.
Ten years ago when I quit a job, I felt clear about doing
so. About a year into that position, I
had gone on a 2 week vacation, spending time with and visiting friends in
Europe. I still remember such strong
feelings of happiness and thinking, “I am SO happy! I don’t remember the last time I was this
happy.” When I returned, I decided to
evaluate my life and get back to the place where I was happy, or at least
content in my everyday life. In the
following months, I quit my job. This
was the best decision I had made to that point in my life. I was convinced of it then and still
now. It was a “crazy” move. Here was a good paying job in my field I had
landed just out of college. I had little
to no savings. I did not have another
job lined up.
I am a “people person”.
Truly. I have always loved
customer service. When I worked at a
bookstore, I loved working the register.
In Admissions, I loved talking with and meeting students. When I left my job, I thought I’d be lonely
being home by myself each day. I am not. I do not miss people. Maybe six months from now, I will. I have many things I want to accomplish; I
focus on those projects. I see my
partner when he returns home. That is
nice. But, I don’t feel the need to
spend every evening around my partner. I
will often spend at least part the evening by myself in my studio. I still have NPR. This is the link I need to the outside world.
It’s a difficult decision quitting your job when society is telling
you, “Career! Money! Promotion!”. Even
now, I have stressful dreams and panic when I allow myself to drift into the
“what if I can’t find a job once I need one” or other self-doubt thinking
quick-sand. I keep from being completely
submerged by remembering how miserable I was before I quit and how that unhappiness
was bleeding into every part of my life. It is a stark contrast with how
satisfied and happy I am now unemployed.
Happy. Not content – happy. It is a gift I’ve allowed myself to accept.
This is not a good economy to quit a job. When you are
looking at a possible promotion, are a home-owner (of a fixer-upper, no less),
and have health issues (SLE), the idea of quitting your job is scary. For people not in my inner-circle living with
my day-to-day, it is inconceivable.
Additionally, the working world in our society does not
understand the concept of taking time off or studio-focused unemployment. If you are not working, there must be
something wrong with you. A hole in your
resume is a stigma difficult to overcome.
It is a shame that employers seem to be unable to see how enriching time
off can be, and how that enrichment can make an employee an eager, open, and
positive asset to a company’s workforce.
How does one know if the right decision is to leave your
job? It can be an even more difficult
decision if a job situation changes dramatically in a very short time. A few months before I left my job, I thought
I’d be at that university for another 5 or 10 years. I was in such a good situation such a short
time before a seemingly impossible situation.
A past boss used to say, there are 3 sides to any situation:
your side, their side, and the truth.
While there are always things that could have been done differently, I
do not know that it matters. What
matters is not who was right, who was wrong (or who was more right or more
wrong), but where, after the dust is settled, you arrive. I can say that while painful, the process of
and time leading up to my leaving was very valuable.
Some things, such as when I approached a boss about my
concerns, being told that I must already have another job lined up because not
everyone would appreciate the way I looked, will stay with me. That same person had also let slip years
before to a colleague that I wouldn’t be promoted until I changed the way I
dressed because I looked to young (no bright colors, sparkles, sequins,
ruffles…). I started wearing all black
and dressing more conservatively, and “poof!” I was promoted. These will be hard for me to let go (clearly!).
But, I will also take away with me important lessons about
dealing with people and supervision. I
will take with me the outpouring of support and love when I left from
colleagues across the university. Their
recognition stays with me. It turns out,
people do notice when you work hard.
People do notice when you are polite.
People notice when you prioritize their needs over your own work. People appreciate when you actually care
about the people you work with. This was
the most important lesson and the best validation I could have asked for.
I’m not advocating that quitting your job is the right
strategy for everyone who is employed in a difficult situation. But I also think that taking a chance on
yourself, on business ventures, on personal projects, and actively changing a
negative daily routine is not a mistake.
I have the opportunity to wait for the right position of employment. I have the opportunity to re-boot, to center
myself, and to reconnect with the things I love about myself. I am happy.
I am healthy. It feels great. And not only am I not sorry that I quit, I’d
do it again in a heartbeat.
